Over the last couple of months I have noticed my productivity getting significantly impacted, I wasn't sure why but I thought it had something to do with how much I use my phone.
Yesterday I have realised that any time I feel lonely, sad or bored, I grab my phone.
What do I do on my phone? I check if someone needs me, wants me or has anything to say about whatever they are doing.
I think back of all the people I follow and check on a daily basis and I realise that I don't remember what most of them have said at the end of my day. I don't remember the TikToks I watch, the videos, the silly comments or the posts about amazing travel that look all the same.
Yes you have been to Iceland, yes Cappadocia is great, yes we love that you travel the world while living your dream life. But do we actually care? The answer is no.
When Covid hit, everyone had to stop what they were doing and there was enough time to reflect on what life really is. Some have already forgotten about it, but I read an article yesterday that said "everyone is quitting their jobs".
From a psychology perspective, this is normal. HR is apparently aware that people are most likely to quit their jobs when a big event happen in their life. We are not re-evaluating our work life every single day of the year but we do when we are faced with hardships.
This is to say that travel influencers stopped too, and they too had to probably wonder about their life choices.
I read this quote once: "If a product is free, you are the product". Although I am probably not the best example of being a product as I am spending very little on a day to day basis, I am paying with my time. I do have all the symptoms of what you call a social media addiction. I grab my phone when I am bored, I struggle to stay focus, I am unproductive when my phone is around, I am easily distracted, I check my phone at times when I know I shouldn't and I always wonder if someone has texted me. I think I am lucky enough to be self aware and always questioning my choices, but what if I wasn't? Would I just spiral into an addiction that nowadays seems to be perfectly acceptable? What if we are indeed all addicted? I have a few questions for you: "What does your time on social media give you? Are you able to control what you do and the time you spend on it?"
With love,
xx Sharon
Tonight I had a striking revelation. One of those things that you already know but that you never quite grasped 100%.
My online presence has always been driven by a second mean, I have never really loved posting on social media for the sake of doing it. In fact at times I wished social media wasn’t a thing. I think about the damages it has done over the goods and I am torn.
Yes, it has its perks. Yes you can see places you have never seen before from everyone else’s photos, which makes it really easy to plan new trips and new adventures. Yes, it keeps you in contact with others, yes it created a lot of jobs and marketing is now for everyone but what about the bad? What about the overcrowding of places because of that one Insta shot that everyone wants to take? What about the comparisons that we are subjected to every day? What about the time we waste on these apps? What about the meaningless stories we post, the photos that no one really cares about and the likes that we seem to count but that mean nothing unless they buy from you?
What is the point of this over sharing? Why are we so attracted to pleasing others and be liked by people? Why do we want to be acknowledged so bad for some photos we take?
Today I was thinking about my own approach towards Instagram and Facebook and realised that I am not who I want to be online because I am forcing myself to fit into the box to gain something.
I have always wanted to work for myself and eventually that will be the goal, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be with social media. I never thought of it, perhaps because it seemed to be such a popular path that thinking I could work on something else never crossed my mind.
There are many other things that I love doing, way more than posting for the sake of pleasing others.
I like some parts of social media, and that part is the “social”. I have met several people through the app and I have stayed in contact with them, checked where they were and what they were doing because mostly, I follow interesting people.
But what else have I gained from it? I wasted a lot of time.
Sure, if I put more time into it, I will grow my following, get some attention and maybe get to work with it alone. But at what cost?
I remember two years ago when my old account got to over 10’000 followers and all I thought about were the places that I could go to just for that one photo that would look so good on Instagram. But why? For the recognition.
In my personal life I notice that whenever I talk to people, no one is really interested about what you do, unless you listen to them first. For some reason I spend a lot of time looking and other people’s behaviour, perhaps because I find interesting how we learned to communicate and fit into society with norms that are not spoken of but that we all (more or less) seem to know and understand.
So why would social media be any different? It is in fact a representation of reality, where a comment on someone else’s post might be genuine but it is mostly done to gain something for ourselves. There are of course exceptions and I am not talking about the people that post photos of flowers under bad lighting, their dog and food. They do exactly what they love, which is living their lives and posting whatever the hell they want.
I am talking about me and the thousand other people that post with hope that someone will like what we do and this is the question I ask: “Why? Why are we not like the rest, that post whatever the hell they want and not care about what others think?”.
Let’s be honest, 2020 did not start with the right foot and it wasn’t because of something we did. For once.
I wasn’t sure if this year could be salvaged.
Being locked in the house for a little over two months brought a lot of reflection, a lot of thoughts on time and how I have used it in the last few years.
I don’t have many fears and whenever something comes up I always try my best to deal with it so I am not afraid. I used to hate spiders so I forced myself to watch them and pick them up. Now I like the small ones and tolerate the huge ones.
I used to get a weird feeling when exposed to heights so I took on climbing and started going to places I knew I would be confronted with that fear and so on.
One fear that I have never dealt with and I guess my biggest fear is: wasting my time.
I always knew I did, I am very good at procrastinating, at pushing forwards deadlines I set for myself. I unconciously let the fear take over and made no effort to fight it by not wasting my time.
Getting out of your comfort zone means calling the doctor when you are scared of making that call. Means going out for drinks even if you get slightly anxious about meeting people, means doing all the things that bring you fear and discomfort. It’s so much easier to say that I have not achieved what I want to do because I wasted my time scrolling on Instagram. So much easier to sleep till 11am and not make the most out of that day. So much easier to say that no one cares about what I write, so I don’t have to do it.
I decided that 2020 was not done yet. I am in charge of my life and I have proved it to myself by coming here in spite of all the things that tried to stop me. Travelling is something that fills me up. Meeting people is something I love to do. Getting to know other’s perspective makes me a better person and I love it.
I always thought I was anti social, but as I got older, I realised that I just don’t like to have meaningless conversations. It happened a lot over the years that I meet someone that doesn’t want to talk about things in depth. I never really understood them, even if I tried to.
I wasted so much time, I had so many great ideas that I never used and that will never be used because the right moment has passed. On a positive note, I don’t regret anything I did.
I think we are on a path that we need to follow and as we become more aware of who we are and what we are here to do, we realise that we wouldn’t have made it without the the goods and the bads we brought upon us.
I am not sure if I will fight my fear of wasting time, all I know is that I am determined to make the most out of it with the teachings that my humble 25 years have brought me.
with love, xx
Sharon
We all need to work. Some of us will have to do it more and others can afford to do it less but in one way or another, work is part of everyone's life.
I class myself as a dreamer, I think I am part of those people that struggle to adjust to the routine of a 9-5 job. It's really hard for me to accept that we have to work to live an enjoyable life. We need money and once we earn a certain amount is hard to let go and downgrade to earning less.
The dream is to have a job that you love so much that waking up in the morning will not be a struggle.
What I started to wonder is: is there really such thing as the perfect job?
Working is not what we are meant to do. Some people might disagree but I do not see humans as creatures that should be stuck in an office 8 or more hours a day in front of a computer, working to satisfy other humans' needs.
But that would mean not typing from this fancy computer I own, not sitting on this comfortable chair in this beautiful house overlooking the Remarkables.
Are we really so unhappy with our work life after all? Is it not our choice to work and sacrifice half our life to serve someone else's purpose? It is our choice.
We all have a shit boss, we all want the weekend to be longer, we all dream of quitting and going travelling forever. We all struggle the same, but some handle it better than others.
My brain never stops, when I start thinking about something I go on a tangent that only ends when I find a solution or an answer. I hope some of you will relate.
It's been over a month of me analyzing work life, personal life, balance, happiness and choices. I came to the conclusion that until I manage to be at peace with the fact that we all need to work, I might never be happy working.
I can change my job, I can change the people I work with, I can change my boss and my pay but it won't ever change the fact that I will need to spend hours of my day working.
It might be quite straight forward to some to just do what everyone does, but it has never been for me.
My challenge for this year will be figuring out how to feel accomplished and happy without necessarily having the dream job. I will let you know how it goes.
On another note, I will leave you with a photo of Milford Sound, coz why not.
Lots of love, xx
Sharon
I don't remember ever writing about this. This might have been one of the most important experiences of my life and I rarely talk about it, for no reason really, but I guess I should.
For people that are into meditation, yoga and spiritualism, the word Vipassana might sound familiar, but for those that have no idea what I am talking about, here is a brief overview.
Vipassana is a form of meditation taught by S.N. Goenka, who sadly passed away a few years ago. Vipassana literally means: to see things the way they really are and as the website cites it is one of India most ancient techniques of meditation. This is the official website, if you are keen on reading more about it. Vipassana Webpage
In July 2011 I left Italy to spend a year in Malaysia with AFS, an international organisation for student exchanges.
I was 16 at the time and I firmly believe that this year is what completely changed my life. Sometimes I wonder what I would be doing if I had never left.
I remeber sitting at home in Langkawi, the small Island on the North-West side of Malaysia and getting a message from another exchange student, Felipe, who asked if I wanted to join him for a 10 day Vipassana retreat. I have no idea what made me say yes but something did. It was most likely against the rules, I had to travel alone by bus to Kuantan, Pahang's capital city and I didn't know anyone there.
My host family agreed to let me go, my chapter leader was an awesome lady who was fine with me going anywhere I wanted and thanks to her I had the best year of my life.
So I left, got there, met Felipe and drove to the meditation center by taxi.
Men and women are separated, once you enter the meditation center you are not allowed to speak for 10 days. You leave all your personal belongings including phones, cameras, books and anything that might be a form of entertainment. For 10 days you wake up, meditate, eat a tiny bit sleep and repeat.
The schedule goes as follow:
| 4:00 am | Morning wake-up bell |
| 4:30-6:30 am | Meditate in the hall or in your room |
| 6:30-8:00 am | Breakfast break |
| 8:00-9:00 am | Group meditation in the hall |
| 9:00-11:00 am | Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher's instructions |
| 11:00-12:00 noon | Lunch break |
| 12 noon-1:00 pm | Rest and interviews with the teacher |
| 1:00-2:30 pm | Meditate in the hall or in your room |
| 2:30-3:30 pm | Group meditation in the hall |
| 3:30-5:00 pm | Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher's instructions |
| 5:00-6:00 pm | Tea break |
| 6:00-7:00 pm | Group meditation in the hall |
| 7:00-8:15 pm | Teacher's Discourse in the hall |
| 8:15-9:00 pm | Group meditation in the hall |
| 9:00-9:30 pm | Question time in the hall |
| 9:30 pm | Retire to your own room--Lights out |
I must be honest, I have not been able to wake up every morning at 4:00 am. Why? Because they wake you up with a single gong that was not even close to being loud enough. I have incredibly vivid memories of the time I spent there. I remember what the food tasted like, I remember how good it felt to sit down and have a vegetarian meal after so much meditation.
I fell asleep in the grand hall, I felt sad, anger, happy. I felt love for myself, forgiveness for others, I felt strong at times and so weak as well. I remembered songs that I didn't even know I knew, memories that I thought I didn't have popped up in my mind.
A Vipassana meditation includes a few precepts that you must follow, including abstaining from killing any living creature which I might have broke when an infestation of ants got into my room on the second day. I did feel bad about it, but I hopefully those ants didn't die as I only washed them away with water to make myself feel a bit better.
It was hard, but it was good.
Thinking back, I am glad I did it at 17. I think so many people could benefit from it but it must be harder if you are exposed to it for the first time when you are radicated into certain thoughts. (what I am talking about would be clearer to people that did the meditation).
Goenka recorded videos of him (and his wife) sitting on the floor, chatting to you every day after the main metitation session, explaining exactly what you went through that day and how you felt. It is incredible how every person that meditates with you experiences the same things, in their own way, but different emotions tend to come up on the same day for everyone. You tent to have nothing else to think about after 5 days and you really get into the practice after the 6th day when you start the actual Vipassana.
Goenka's voice was soothing, the perfect sound to wake you from the deep trance you fall into. There are things you will have in common with people that have done the meditation, the word "Aniccia" for exaple, which he repeats many times.
This year, I want to build a better me.
I have been working on myself for quite a while, I have recognised patterns that I didn't like, behaviours that I kept showing that didn't fit with the person I want to be. I am far from reaching the perfect self, but I work on it every day.
One of the things I want to bring back this year is the Vipassana practice. Mindfulness is what helps with personal growth, which achieving goals, with understanding what your path in life might be. Mindfullness helped me get over feelings that I didn't know how to handle.
Sometimes all you need to feel better is the deep understanding that nothing is good or bad, it just is.
Realising that helped me so much. But what is the actual difference between hearing someone say it and fully embrace it?
It is easy to ask someone a question, get a really cool answer and thinking that you got it. The reality is that you need to feel it or yourself.
I asked so many people over the past 5 years, how they managed to wake up early. For me, waking up early was a nightmare, something that I couln't stand. I liked the idea of it but I loved sleeping in, until midday and even longer. I didn't care if my day was over and I had done nothing. Sleeping was IT.
I started feeling bad about it a few years ago, I wanted to break the habit but I just coulnd't. I was trying everything, putting my alarm far away, hiding different alarms, have the radio going as an alarm, getting my clothes ready, my breakfast ready, having things to look forward to and so on. Nothing worked.
Now I know, that was it. You literally just do it. There isnt't thought to put into getting out of bed, no rolling around thinking about how to get out of the blankets. You just get the hell up without thinking.
This is the real mindfulness, this is really what mindfulness is for me. It's thinking less.
Namaste'
xx, Sharon
When you first hear about New Zealand, you create images in your head of what this Country might look like. The way I pictured it was: a very green place with lots of sheep, not many people, vast lands, long roads and lakes.
I thought New Zealand was somehow similar to my home region and indeed it is.
When my host family asked me if I wanted to join them for the holiday in Queenstown, my brain didn’t even think about the option of staying behind. Many times in life I said no and missed out on amazing opportunities.
( To be fair, I've also said yes too many times when I could have definitely avoided not so pleasant situations )
The South Island from above looked like paradise to me. Tall mountains covered in snow on one side, the ocean on the other and green fields in the middle.
While we are at it, I have to say I wan't impressed with the cookie Air NZ provides on the flight, but I did enjoy their little questions and answers going on the tv screens. The chips were better.
You get to Queenstown and the first thing you see are these mighty mountains on your left. The remarkables.
A perfectly suited name if you ask me.
Something I have only really seen in Italy is a phenomenon called "Enrosadira", which happens when the dolomia (the type of rock the Dolomites are made of) soaks up the sunset light and turnes the mountains pink.
Well, I can now say that the Remarkables do something similar.
Unfortunately I do not have a photo of it as I must have been enjoying the moment out in the veranda with a beer and plenty of laughter, but trust me, it is breathtaking. I guess that is one great excuse to go back.
This city will take your breath away. It is a bit of a shame that not many locals live here anymore, but if you can look past that, you will find beauty in every corner.
I have recently read an article about how everything new that we do becomes normality after a while.
Leaving your home Country to come to NZ and perhaps settle in Queenstown will become your life and maybe you will see it as just another city after a few months of living there.
The surroundings will make this process harder in my opinion. There are places you never get sick of and Queenstown might be one of them.
Imagine yourself just for a moment waking up in the morning in your cozy house with a view of the Remarkables.
Imagine brewing that morning coffee, filling up the take away cup and head into town to get to work.
See yourself walking along the water, looking at the boats, the birds, the sun rays touching the blue water of the lake. Tourists are sitting on the beach enjoying the morning sun with a cup of coffee and the water taxi is waiting at the dock.
You look up and paragliders are flying. They make it seem so easy you wish you had a paragliding license, so you could squeeze in a quick flight over the lake on your lunch break. Enjoy a moment for yourself, thinking about how nice it would be to sit on the grass while you wait for your friends to come meet you so you can go to the pub for a beer. All of this surrounded by mountains, forest, lakes and waterfalls. Not so bad hey?
Queenstown calls for people that love the outdoors. Everyone is into something wether is rock climbing, canoeing, canyoning, pargliding or skiing. If you enjoy eny of these, you will fit in right away.
You will love the slightly European look (don't get too excited, I said slightly). You will probably laugh at the people waiting in an insanely long queue at Fergburger under the scoarching hot sun, unless you are one of them of course, in that case I lost respect for you my friend. Just call in and order your burger which will be ready in 15 minutes.
You might not enjoy the amount of tourists, but it does make the town look lively and if you don't have to drive much, you will be fine!
I am sure you can tell, Queenstown got me and got me hard. I hope to be back and in some way I know I will.
xx
Sharon
For the longest time I have been saying that I wanted to go to Brighton. Probably thanks to all the YouTube I watch. Most of the YouTubers I follow, live in Brighton. (more…)