Let’s be honest, 2020 did not start with the right foot and it wasn’t because of something we did. For once.
I wasn’t sure if this year could be salvaged.
Being locked in the house for a little over two months brought a lot of reflection, a lot of thoughts on time and how I have used it in the last few years.

I don’t have many fears and whenever something comes up I always try my best to deal with it so I am not afraid. I used to hate spiders so I forced myself to watch them and pick them up. Now I like the small ones and tolerate the huge ones.
I used to get a weird feeling when exposed to heights so I took on climbing and started going to places I knew I would be confronted with that fear and so on.

One fear that I have never dealt with and I guess my biggest fear is: wasting my time.
I always knew I did, I am very good at procrastinating, at pushing forwards deadlines I set for myself. I unconciously let the fear take over and made no effort to fight it by not wasting my time.

Getting out of your comfort zone means calling the doctor when you are scared of making that call. Means going out for drinks even if you get slightly anxious about meeting people, means doing all the things that bring you fear and discomfort. It’s so much easier to say that I have not achieved what I want to do because I wasted my time scrolling on Instagram. So much easier to sleep till 11am and not make the most out of that day. So much easier to say that no one cares about what I write, so I don’t have to do it.

I decided that 2020 was not done yet. I am in charge of my life and I have proved it to myself by coming here in spite of all the things that tried to stop me. Travelling is something that fills me up. Meeting people is something I love to do. Getting to know other’s perspective makes me a better person and I love it.
I always thought I was anti social, but as I got older, I realised that I just don’t like to have meaningless conversations. It happened a lot over the years that I meet someone that doesn’t want to talk about things in depth. I never really understood them, even if I tried to.

I wasted so much time, I had so many great ideas that I never used and that will never be used because the right moment has passed. On a positive note, I don’t regret anything I did.
I think we are on a path that we need to follow and as we become more aware of who we are and what we are here to do, we realise that we wouldn’t have made it without the the goods and the bads we brought upon us.

I am not sure if I will fight my fear of wasting time, all I know is that I am determined to make the most out of it with the teachings that my humble 25 years have brought me.

with love, xx
Sharon