I don't remember ever writing about this. This might have been one of the most important experiences of my life and I rarely talk about it, for no reason really, but I guess I should.

For people that are into meditation, yoga and spiritualism, the word Vipassana might sound familiar, but for those that have no idea what I am talking about, here is a brief overview.

Vipassana is a form of meditation taught by S.N. Goenka, who sadly passed away a few years ago. Vipassana literally means: to see things the way they really are and as the website cites it is one of India most ancient techniques of meditation. This is the official website, if you are keen on reading more about it. Vipassana Webpage

In July 2011 I left Italy to spend a year in Malaysia with AFS, an international organisation for student exchanges.
I was 16 at the time and I firmly believe that this year is what completely changed my life. Sometimes I wonder what I would be doing if I had never left.

I remeber sitting at home in Langkawi, the small Island on the North-West side of Malaysia and getting a message from another exchange student, Felipe, who asked if I wanted to join him for a 10 day Vipassana retreat. I have no idea what made me say yes but something did. It was most likely against the rules, I had to travel alone by bus to Kuantan, Pahang's capital city and I didn't know anyone there.

My host family agreed to let me go, my chapter leader was an awesome lady who was fine with me going anywhere I wanted and thanks to her I had the best year of my life.
So I left, got there, met Felipe and drove to the meditation center by taxi.

Men and women are separated, once you enter the meditation center you are not allowed to speak for 10 days. You leave all your personal belongings including phones, cameras, books and anything that might be a form of entertainment. For 10 days you wake up, meditate, eat a tiny bit sleep and repeat.

The schedule goes as follow:

I must be honest, I have not been able to wake up every morning at 4:00 am. Why? Because they wake you up with a single gong that was not even close to being loud enough. I have incredibly vivid memories of the time I spent there. I remember what the food tasted like, I remember how good it felt to sit down and have a vegetarian meal after so much meditation.

I fell asleep in the grand hall, I felt sad, anger, happy. I felt love for myself, forgiveness for others, I felt strong at times and so weak as well. I remembered songs that I didn't even know I knew, memories that I thought I didn't have popped up in my mind.

A Vipassana meditation includes a few precepts that you must follow, including abstaining from killing any living creature which I might have broke when an infestation of ants got into my room on the second day. I did feel bad about it, but I hopefully those ants didn't die as I only washed them away with water to make myself feel a bit better.

It was hard, but it was good.
Thinking back, I am glad I did it at 17. I think so many people could benefit from it but it must be harder if you are exposed to it for the first time when you are radicated into certain thoughts. (what I am talking about would be clearer to people that did the meditation).

Goenka recorded videos of him (and his wife) sitting on the floor, chatting to you every day after the main metitation session, explaining exactly what you went through that day and how you felt. It is incredible how every person that meditates with you experiences the same things, in their own way, but different emotions tend to come up on the same day for everyone. You tent to have nothing else to think about after 5 days and you really get into the practice after the 6th day when you start the actual Vipassana.
Goenka's voice was soothing, the perfect sound to wake you from the deep trance you fall into. There are things you will have in common with people that have done the meditation, the word "Aniccia" for exaple, which he repeats many times.

This year, I want to build a better me.
I have been working on myself for quite a while, I have recognised patterns that I didn't like, behaviours that I kept showing that didn't fit with the person I want to be. I am far from reaching the perfect self, but I work on it every day.

One of the things I want to bring back this year is the Vipassana practice. Mindfulness is what helps with personal growth, which achieving goals, with understanding what your path in life might be. Mindfullness helped me get over feelings that I didn't know how to handle.

Realising that helped me so much. But what is the actual difference between hearing someone say it and fully embrace it?

It is easy to ask someone a question, get a really cool answer and thinking that you got it. The reality is that you need to feel it or yourself.
I asked so many people over the past 5 years, how they managed to wake up early. For me, waking up early was a nightmare, something that I couln't stand. I liked the idea of it but I loved sleeping in, until midday and even longer. I didn't care if my day was over and I had done nothing. Sleeping was IT.
I started feeling bad about it a few years ago, I wanted to break the habit but I just coulnd't. I was trying everything, putting my alarm far away, hiding different alarms, have the radio going as an alarm, getting my clothes ready, my breakfast ready, having things to look forward to and so on. Nothing worked.

Now I know, that was it. You literally just do it. There isnt't thought to put into getting out of bed, no rolling around thinking about how to get out of the blankets. You just get the hell up without thinking.

This is the real mindfulness, this is really what mindfulness is for me. It's thinking less.

Namaste'
xx, Sharon